So often, I have conversations with people about meditation when I tell them I’m studying Life Coaching – They usually say they find it boring/too hard, and instead, continue to suffer through stress/worry/anxiety.
And, hey, NO JUDGEMENT. I admit that sometimes, quite frankly, I’d rather sit through a documentary on the invention of paint than meditate…and I definitely don’t do it daily, so, I’ve learnt to rely on other things to get me ‘chill’ when I’m not in the mood.
*An annoyingly old tale that is regularly whispered to me by my anxious, overthinking mind, Nance.
I remember a few years ago, (actually, years and years ago. I’m getting old. Don’t tell my ovaries and my soon-to-be-wrinkled skin) my partner invited me to his work Christmas party with him, and, while I was initially stoked that he wanted me there with him, when it eventually came round to ‘the week of‘ this party – I started agonising over it in my head:
What if I’m ‘that weird new girl’ that nobody wants to talk to?
What if I drink too much and then snort really loudly at my own joke?
What if I’m the least well-dressed person in the room?
WHAT IF, WHAT IF, WHAT IF
Today I got an email that I’d been anxiously waiting to receive for about three days. It was about a casual freelancing job I’d applied for, which read something like this:
“Bec, as you know, the competition for this role was high and you were one of three writers we selected for the blog task.
It was a tough decision to make, and while you’re writing is very good, and you obviously have the drive we were looking for, another freelancer offered a better fit at this stage…”
YOU DIDNT GET YOUR DREAM JOB
**Cue passive aggressive disappointment towards partner and irrational tears because I thought, TO THE CORE OF MY EXISTENCE, that this was the job for me and FINALLY I could decrease my status from full -time to PART-TIME at my corporate job…
I’m still not sure about this title… its kinda long… but it’s also pretty late and I’m about two glasses of red wine in, so the good old (half drunk) “Ah, f*ck it” prevailed – as it always does – and I decided to run with it.
Dont judge me.
Today I want to talk about work and how SMILEY ON THE INSIDE it does (or doesn’t) make you feel. I’ve been feeling for a while that, while I’d probably prefer to just sit at home all day, make-up-less, in gym clothes (have I worked out, have I not? You’ll never know) and left alone to work on my writing projects – that wont get me paid, and so I embarked on a “How to work while also feeling happy and fulfilled” journey, which was mostly about figuring out how to do what I want but still make a living
so, you know, I don’t have to live in a tent in my parents backyard eating two minute noodles…
Let me paint a picture for you