You Have Permission – a must read for all recovering people pleasers (and ‘self-squishers’)

This is an excerpt from a book by my new favourite entrepreneur woman, Leonie Dawson

 

I thought it was a perfect reminder for all you recovering people pleaser’s (and self squishers) who struggle to put themselves first, and shit on their own dreams and needs, in favour of others.

 

Naughty (it’s okay, I did too, once upon a time)

 

Also – I’m feeling all hot and bothered today and my brain is saying: ‘Nup – no, clever ideas for writing today – leave me be’ So… Leonie Dawson steps in to save the day

 

(*also, the word ‘entrepreneur’ and I are not friends. I hands down spell it wrong EVERY.SINGLE.TIME) I just want to own up to that now, in case you see some monumental spelling fuck ups down the track.

 

ANYWAY – the thing I wanted to share (geez, be patient please, we’ll get there in a minute)

 

Before that – I want to mention self esteem and self love. A lot of people think they are the same thing but I tend to think:

 

Self respect = feeling good about yourself

Self love = taking the time to care for yourself and give yourself what you need

 

Self respect is the foundation we build a happy life on. Did it occur to you that your occassional bouts of depression, anxiety and ‘numbness’ are due to the habit you have of denying yourself, not giving yourself what you need when you need it, and constantly putting others before you?

 

Hmmmmm

 

And it’s not selfishness, and we need to stop thinking of it this way. Looking after yourself is just necessary to a happy life.

 

Do you want a happy life, or not Susan?

 

You know that saying, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”?

 

….I should google this for accuracy

 

Yep, got it right, basically:

“You can’t pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first”

This is what Leonnie is saying when she says Give yourself permission to (insert long list of things you should give yourself permission to do)

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I think that’s all I wanted to say /  I forgot where I forgot where I was going with this. Without further adew:

 

 

 

Dearest Goddess,

Today and everyday, you have permission.

You have permission to say no to demands on your time that dont light you up, and dont give energy back to you.

You have permission to not give a crap what’s happening outside your world, and keep your energy focused on what you are creating.

You have permission to let go of friendships that make you feel like shit.

You have permission to say no whenever you like, however you like, in whatever kind of voice you like, without feeling like only Mean Girls Say No and Nice Girls Say Yes. That’s bull. Yes and No have equal weighting – what’s important is if you use them when they are the best thing for you, not out of fear, obligation or guilt.

You have permission to know that Yes is powerful, and so is No. The power comes from you using either from your highest spirit and truest integrity.

You have permission to change. You have permission to not be the person you once were.

You have permission to get angry and self-righteous, and to also glean the wisdom from those emotions. They are leading you to where your boundaries are, and where they have been crossed, and what you need to do from now on.

You have permission to be exactly how you are.

You have permission to not be more like anyone else in the world, even if you think they are better, wiser or more popular. You have permission to be more like yourself, your gifts and your wisdom.

You have permission to not care what other people think of you.

You have permission to not try to change what other people think of you. You can’t ever argue that you are a good person. They will either know you are, or not. You don’t need to spend time with people who dont believe in you.

You have permission to do things that your friends and family do not.

You have permission to be wild, expressive, truthful, exciting and outspoken.

You have permission to not accept friendship requests on Facebook, or anywhere else in your life. You have permission to block people whenever you like.

You have permission to share as much or as little as you like. You have permission to blog, or not blog. You have permission to Twitter, or not to Twitter. It doesnt really matter. As long as it’s making you happy, thats the best thing.

You have permission to suck at a wide variety of activities. It’s okay. You make up for it with your million other brilliance particles.

You have permission to be whatever body shape you life.

You have permission to choose, and choose again. And then choose again.

You have permission to not always be a perfect image of something.

You have permission to be a contradiction.

You have permission to not go to your school reunion, unless it really excites you and delights you, and you would love to really heart-reconnect with people you went to school with.

You have permission to not be interested in the newest fad: harem pants, geek glasses, Polaroid cameras, scrap-booking, macrame. You also have permission to be totally obsessed with them, if it makes your heart light up.

You have permission to cut people from your life. You have permission to surround yourself with people who are good and loving and nurturing to you.

You have permission to be a disappointment to some people, as long as you’re not a dissapointment to yourself.

You have permission to do nothing whenever you like,

You have permission to make you big dream come true.

You have permission to not do it all perfectly, or have all your shit together.

You have permission to not forgive people. You have permission to forgive people when it’s right for you.

You have permission to think some people are crazy. You have permission to think some people are smigging ice-cream with chocolate and wafers and sprinkles and cherries on top.

You have permission to not have the perfect relationship.

You have permission to take whatever time you need for you.

You have permission to make ridiculous choices for yourself.

You have permission to use and listen to your intuition. To feel when things are off, and to remove yourself from them, even when you dont quite know why. You will always find out why. Our intuition is here to serve us.

You have permission to be down. You have permission to be up.

You have permission to still believe in unicorns and fairies.

You have permission to believe in things that other people think are very very odd and strange. You have permission to not care. You have permission to believe in things that make your life wholer, richer, and deeper. You have permission to make your own world that is the truest painting of you.

You have permission to suck at colouring in.

You have permission to say bugger off to anyone who has ever told you that you’re not good enough, you’re not worth it, you are not beautiful, you are not loveable and you are not the most divine, delicious Goddess to walk the planet.

You have permission to know that you are.

You have permission to swear when you like, however you like, to your reckless abandon.

You have permission to not be the best of anything – just the best of yourself. And some days, just the best you can do that day.

You have permission to not always give. You have permission to fill your own cup first.

You have permission to have things around you that delight you.

You have permission to live in a tipi if you want to, or a mansion. Whatever makes your spirit shine is the right thing for you.

You have permission to make choices on whether it makes your spirit shine.

You have permission to know you are a goddess, even when it doesnt feel like it. Even when you feel utterly human. Even when you want nothing more than to climb under your blanket, or light up the sky.

You are a goddess.

You have permission.

 

I hope this finds its way to exactly the people who need to read it. For more on NOT being a People Pleaser – read my sister blog: How to escape from People Pleaser Ville.

X Bec

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